Where have you been Samosas For One?

I've been working, both literally and emotionally. I've been playing. I'm been shedding. I've been working my way through and downsizing. I'm been re-emerging. I've been reconnecting. I've been thinking. I've been mourning. I've been letting go of the past. I've been finding out again who I am and what I'm comfortable with. I've been starting to stand on my own. I've been standing up to the tough questions. And you know what? I've discovered more and more that I only care what the people I respect think. The others not so much.

My hard drive mechanically failed...so until I get that resolved I will again disappear from here. Will write soon.

SamForOne

How to live more consciously

I spent a lot of time this weekend with 3 people. None of them spoke in a language I could understand, but they were all so cute that we didn't need words. Spending time with children, especially children a year old or younger is an automatic way to live more consciously. Keeping an eye on them to make sure they don't get hurt, making them laugh, or feeding them brings all of your attention solely into that moment. All you're thinking about is how to make them laugh and smile, how to get them to stop crying, or how amazing they are to watch as they interact with a new object. I sort of ignored the rest of the family around me...I'm usually frustrated by their inquisitiveness, criticalness, and judgmental comments about my life. But when little 1 year olds who can't walk yet are giggling as you push them on their swings or laughing as you make faces at them or giggling when you tickle them grown up adults (and their drama) that have lost their sense of childish wonderment fall to the background. What was really amazing to observe were how their instincts came into play. 2 of the 3 children were twins. When one of them started drinking their milk the other one went and to grab the bottle away from the first and start drinking and then a mini-fight would ensue with each in pursuit of the bottle. Already at 1 it is clear which one is more dominant. And I understand why parents say I wish I could freeze time and they could be this age forever. Plus when a cute little one year old in a white dress with flowers falls asleep as you're holding her and you end up sitting down with her asleep on you for hours it is a perfect moment (made less complicated and more appreciated due to the fact that I did not have the worry and concern that a parent would have since I'm her aunt and not her mom).

Do you have some type of daily prayer or meditation or spiritual ritual or reading you engage in?

Persisting Stars posted this link on her blog. If you love books and bookstores like I do be sure to click on this link to see some beautiful photographs.

Do you have 3 minutes? Watch this!

This is cool....

Everything is Waiting for You

Your great mistake is to act the drama
as if you were alone. As if life
were a progressive and cunning crime
with no witness to the tiny hidden
transgressions. To feel abandoned is to deny
the intimacy of your surroundings. Surely,
even you, at times, have felt the grand array;
the swelling presence, and the chorus, crowding
out your solo voice You must note
the way the soap dish enables you,
or the window latch grants you freedom.
Alertness is the hidden discipline of familiarity.
The stairs are your mentor of things
to come, the doors have always been there
to frighten you and invite you,
and the tiny speaker in the phone
is your dream-ladder to divinity.

Put down the weight of your aloneness and ease into
the conversation. The kettle is singing
even as it pours you a drink, the cooking pots
have left their arrogant aloofness and
seen the good in you at last. All the birds
and creatures of the world are unutterably
themselves. Everything is waiting for you.
- by David Whyte

Birthday Commitments

As today is my birthday and my first day on this planet in my 33rd year I have a few commitments I would like to write out to remind myself of this year. (Also so far my day has proven frustrating, so I'm trying to turn the ship around on that and I think doing this will make me feel better.)

1. I commit to living more consciously this year and to seeing each moment, situation and day as an opportunity to grow and learn more. I know this is a huge commitment, but I have to try.

2. I commit to taking better care of myself physically. This means exercising regularly, eating healthier or rather in my case eating more, and remembering to take my vitamins.

3. I commit to no longer selling myself short and accepting less than behavior from certain people in my life. I once heard Maya Angelou say you teach people how to treat you. I think this is true. As I've taken steps closer to stepping in to claim who I am and be proud of that I've seen that I deserve better treatment from certain people in my life.

4. I commit to follow through on the dreams/goals I have for my family and I. One of the concrete actions for this involves a video camera, home movies, and cooking...a post will be written about this at a later time.

5. I commit to listening more and shutting up more about my opinion. :)

6. I commit to opening myself up and becoming vulnerable to explore those behaviors that aren't working for me so that I may change them.

7. I commit that I will continue to take one step forward every single day towards my professional and personal goals. As the print I bought myself for my birthday says "It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."

8. I commit to opening myself up to finding a romantic partner who respects and values me and shows me this by treating me well.

Did anyone read this?

A Journey Through Darkness

What do I want for my birthday?

My birthday is on May 14th. And in order to lighten the tone here that has lately been somewhat somber and serious I decided to make a list of what I want for my birthday. Don't worry, I don't actually expect gifts from people. This is just for fun. I would like:

• WORLD PEACE: standard first response I know. Although in my opinion I would seek peace in each individual. The Dalai Lama explains this in the Foreword to Thich Nhat Hanh's Peace is Every Step:

"Peace must first be developed within an individual. And I believe that love, compassion, and altruism are the fundamental basis for peace. Once these qualities are developed within an individual, he or she is then able to create an atmosphere of peace and harmony. This atmosphere can be expanded and extended from the individual to his family, from the family to the community and eventually to the whole world."

• The soundtrack to the movie Once

• Any piece of jewelery from Joanna Rutter jewelery

• Jessie to paint my doggie!

• Kimia's Xian earrings

• A copy of my all-time favorite Indian movie Naseeb

I love giving presents to people especially when they are unexpected. What I really want at the end of the day isn't these material gifts, but to celebrate with the family and friends that I love, respect and adore. I am grateful that this wish is coming true this year with much abundance.

I only wish that Yoli, Maddie, Jessie, Carla, Christina, and Se'lah were here to join! :) Sometimes we have to leave the confines of our daily lives to search elsewhere to find that which fills our hearts.

I walked until the words came out...

I walked until the words came out tonight. The air carried the smell of warmth and unpaved roads, rickshaws and trips to India. It reminded me of a summer night years ago when someone tried to teach me to drive stick shift through Delhi's streets. Shacks hidden in forests, cheese sandwiches on the streets late at night, ginger chai from the chaiwallah on the street. Memories of a time I can never go back. Memories of people who are now no longer. Memories of a place I feel I belong to thousands of miles from America that now makes no sense to me, a place where the nonsensical happened and happens every day.

This is why I don't Twitter.

I just discovered Supernews on Current! I recommend it based on the one episode I saw last night.

This is why I don't Twitter.

I'm just a girl looking for a greater meaning than what society tells us we should care about, yearning to find that which moves me and the sunlight that provides the warmth to dance in.